[CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Behind The Bite podcast is part of a network of podcasts that are good for the world. Check out podcasts like the Full of Shift podcast, After the First Marriage podcast and Eating Recovery Academy over at practiceofthepractice.com/network. Welcome to Behind The Bite podcast. This podcast is about the real life struggles women face with food, body image and weight. We're here to help you inspire and create better healthier lives. Welcome. [CRISTINA] Well, hello and welcome to Behind The Bite podcast. Well, I see so many people who are struggling. They may not even know what their struggle is. They may tell themselves that they have just too much to do, or they are too busy, they have too much work, or they believe they just cannot truly be happy or live the life that they want until they look a certain way or in their words, "finally lose the weight." I see people suffering so much with not knowing what it is that they're thinking, feeling or why it is that they're even engaging in the behaviors day in and day out that they are, but yet they're so how quick to berate themselves and negatively judge themselves whenever they are doing something like binging and wonder why it is that they did it in the first place or why they keep doing it again and again. I hear people say awful, horrible things to themselves like, "I screwed up again. I'm a failure." And they swear they're never going to do it again. And I see people beat themselves up for being a failure because they dared to eat something they considered bad, or because they didn't have the willpower. We're not strong enough to just stick to the diet today. People are just not connected to themselves. They have a lot of emotional pain or critical, negative, or painful thoughts that they just want to escape from or numb out from. It feels like what is real and what really matters is whether or not you ate the donut. It feels like the number on the scale is what really matters. But I'm going to ask you if you're somebody who's relating to anything I'm saying, are those, the things that really, really matter, the things that really determine your value, your self worth? Do they really define who you are as a person? I'm really excited to have a guest on the show today. Someone who can really delve deeper into a discussion about eating disorder, body image issues, and the connection between the heart, mind and body. Hema Vyas is a renowned speaker on heart wisdom, human consciousness, spirituality, health, energy medicine, and the science of Ayurveda. For almost 30 years, she's been practicing as a psychologist and life leadership mentor. She leads international retreats, which are fully immersive workshops and events that align and restore heart, mind, and body. Her purpose is to raise awareness of the power of the heart and guide people through the experience of any stuck or segment energy so the hearts innate intelligence flows. [CRISTINA] In the space in the space of the heart that is clear of past conditioning, wrongly held beliefs or untruths we are naturally and effortlessly guided to the joy and love that is our birthright. That's what she believes. I'll say that again. She believes in the space of the heart that is clear of past conditioning, wrongly held beliefs or untruth. We are naturally and effortlessly guided to the joy and love that is our birthright. Well, Emma, welcome to the show. [HEMA HYAS] Thank you for having me, Christina. Great to be here. [CRISTINA] So I know you have a very interesting background and I'm wondering, would you mind sharing a little bit about how you actually got to this place in your life where you're at now? [HEMA] Yes. So not always an easy question to sort of condense the whole life but I'll give you the sort of brief outline. So I was born in Africa to Indian parents and although I was born in Africa, spent very little time there. So I was a baby when I left, moved to India and then ended up in England. I lived in England, I've grown up in England. I was a child when I came here, four, five years old. So I've had an interesting journey in terms of marrying the spiritual background of my, sort of my heritage, if you like, as well as the sort of academic background of my Western upbringing. So I studied psychology, but also married up with a lot of spirituality and philosophy and Ayurveda, which is the science life, according to the Indian principles, the Hindu principles. Those principles talk a lot about in terms of nature food and really what we ingest with all of our senses, not just with food and how it creates who we are, not just physically, but how it creates who we are emotionally, mentally and spiritually. So that's sort of the brief summary, but growing up, I definitely had my sort of challenges being, coming from a very different cultural background. One of the big things was I was vegetarian. It wasn't imposed on me. It was just something I grew up with. It was just an inner knowingness that I didn't eat meat. I wasn't brought up to eat meat. And then when I went to school, we're talking back in the seventies where literally school dinners were forced upon children and you had to eat what was given to you and there would be the meat and two veg. I remember having mashed potatoes and I would cover up the meat in order to, with the mash potato and then just take the top off and eat the top. Because they didn't understand that something about the food just didn't work for me. They didn't understand the culture, they didn't understand vegetarianism. So it was really, really interesting. I developed sort of what I would call an unhealthy attachment to sweet food because all I looked forward to was a sweet eat then because we'd have the dinner and then the pudding. And because I barely my dinner, because I had to use all my potatoes to cover up the meat that I didn't eat, I then would sort of gravitate towards a sweet. But luckily I come from a background where home, we ate a whole array of different vegetarian kinds of food. So I did find my balance quite quickly when I grew up, when I became a teenager and then I was able to sort of control myself a lot better. But during those early years, when I didn't have a same way in how it was definitely a struggle and that helped shape who I am, my ability to speak out about things, my ability to say no, and to teach other people how to say no, not only to external influences, but also internal influences because some of these things become deeply embedded in us. So my journey has been about really empowering people to be true to themselves and to find who they really are, because I genuinely believe that our happiness lies with knowing who we are coming from a centered place of what is genuinely right for us and what is not. And I think all problems arise out of imbalance and it arises out of being told we have to be something or someone that we're not. And when there's an inner conflict, we deal with conflict by suppressing whatever it is we are feeling. We suppress it with numbing out using our senses and definitely food is one of them, but addiction to box sets and series and the wrong kind of music being addicted to all sorts of things comes from that place. So I've had to do my own work to really know who I, so that I can find my purposes. It's not always easy. It is a constant journey. But I think that's been definitely a big part of my learning and growing. [CRISTINA] Wow. So you said so much in such short little spot there. I really want to get more into, when you talk about suppressing things that are maybe painful or uncomfortable, and you talked about that so well for yourself, but I've worked with so many people who also do that. I'm sure people listening here are going, "Yes, I get that part, like suppressing things that are painful and not wanting to you really look at those things." So I know you do a lot of work obviously with trying to work with balance. We were talking a little bit earlier about people listening, really struggling with eating disorders and body image issues. So what would you say you to somebody who's listening right now and is really struggling with say their body and not feeling comfortable in their body? What would you say is out of balance for somebody who's not wanting to be in their body or really hate, even hating their body saying, I want it to be so different. I'm not going to be happy unless my body looks a certain way or I can't start living my life unless my body is X, Y, and Z, like right now, it's just, I can't? [HEMA] Absolutely. I think it's a journey and a process. I don't think there's any quick answer. If there was, they would've had it by now. But I think it's having the courage ultimately to really, really be willing to work on yourself, the baby steps. We all have to take baby steps in order to grow and to change and to evolve. And if we're at a place where the listeners who may be really struggling with how they look and how they feel about how they look, one of the first things that I would say is you need to start thinking about where those messages come from, because we, as human beings are not created to hate. And that is something we learn. If we are hating on how we look or how we feel about how we look or how we feel about different parts of us, whatever it might be, whether it's a physical thing or an emotional thing at the end of the day, they are messages we have inherited from other people. One of the things that I say, sometimes we inherit things from our parents or their parents. So we carry a lot of ancestral energy. Sometimes what has happened is that you come to the end of the line. So the person who is really, really tortured by something like this I'd say, it's because they are the ones who actually have within their heart, the courage to overcome it. So if you imagine a whole ancestral sort of lineage of people gradually not liking some aspect of how they look for whatever reason and it gets passed down as a deeply held belief that there's something fundamentally wrong with them and eventually it gets to a point where there's such self, low thing where there's such like they can't even go there. It's so deep. It's probably because they're the ones who have within them the ability to break through. Now how you break through, there are lots and lots of different tools that are available. But I would say the first step is acknowledging that these are not necessarily all my thoughts. I may have adopted them. I may have taken them on board. I may have accepted them, but they're not all my thoughts, so to disengage a little bit from those thoughts and begin to do energetic work, begin to clear energetically what doesn't belong to us. And the best ways, things like yoga. So I know meditation is something that a lot of people talk about now, and it may not be for everybody because it does require a level of discipline. But I think a three-minute yoga, five-minute yoga, these are things that people can do. It just depends how committed they are to really wanting a change even if they don't know what that change is or what it looks like or how they're going to get there. But that first baby step, because when we are doing certain assonance, in yoga, we have these different postures. We have different, we use our hands, we use our bodies, we use our energy and our breathing and our prana to really bring about a shift. And once you experience a little bit of shift in something, it creates a domino effect where lots of other things can to shift. So I would say if you are really unhappy and take that first and do something different, do something you might not have tried before, something you might not think would work, but sometimes it's those things that work the best. [CRISTINA] So interesting. You said such a short period of time to do yoga, and I know most people think of yoga, I had somebody else on in an earlier podcast who talked about trauma informed yoga, and it was very powerful to listen to. So now you're talking about a few minutes of yoga just to make a shift. Can you talk about why that's so important to just try to do, what does it actually do for the body and for the mind? [HEMA] Absolutely. So I would say the first thing is that the reason why I say such a short amount of space is because often one of the things that people resist is when they feel like it's too much of a commitment because they don't know the results. We're sort of made in such a way that if we don't see the value or the benefit, we're inclined not to go there, especially if we don't understand it. So that's why we start so small. The first thing that it does is it connects you to your body and you realize that your body's working incredibly hard to give you everything that you need. You have everything you need within you. We have the wisdom, we have the understanding, we have all the tools we need to get through any kind of pain. We have the resources within us. So if we can just step into our body, even for a minute, two minutes, three minutes a day, it creates a field, a vibration of love. And that is something that can grow. So you imagine somebody who's not in a good space and doesn't really like how they feel or how they look, you start creating just a little bit of vibration within the body that connects them to the. The heart gives them signals that inform them that they are beautiful. And when you begin to feel that that is a possibility, we begin to emanate that energy out into the world and we suddenly get validation from the outside world, mirroring back what we think and what we feel. The heart is very much a magnet. The heart is very much a mirror and so mirrors back what we put out there and that's what we get packed, but it also acts as a magnet. So when we start feeling good, we suddenly get attracted to things that make us feel even better. So those three minutes are so powerful because if we're breathing right, we're doing the right kind of action, the interaction that is required to bring about a small shift, it inspires us to create more shifts. The minute we see something is working, we are more inclined work at it, like with anything. If we do something that works, we gravitate towards it again and again and again, which is why people do some of the things that they do when they get a sudden high from eating something. Next time they feel low, why do they gravitate towards it? Because it makes them feel good and that's what they want. In the same way yoga absolutely makes you feel good. And what we want to do is create an association with the body that is pleasurable, that creates pleasure, and that is doable. So if you limit it to a shorter amount of time, everyone's got time to do that. You can do a three-minute exercise or two or three exercises for one minute. Some of the exercises that I sort of talked about, they're pretty intense. So one minute can be quite, it's not like just stretching or something. It can be quite powerful. And I've definitely seen people shift as a result of doing it. [CRISTINA] So I can just imagine somebody listening, saying, okay, I don't know anything about yoga. That sounds it's like something I could try, maybe a little scary, but what on earth would I even do? What would a two or three minute yoga exercise, or what would that even look like? How would I know what to do? [HEMA] So I would say the kind of yoga I'm talking about is popularly known as [inaudible 00:18:48] yoga, which is basically yoga of knowledge. It's really about tuning into that inner knowingness and that inner knowledge. So if you are willing to try it, then I recommend you go on to YouTube and just look up that yoga. I have a couple of exercises. They're very welcome to join my free community and literally there are few exercises on there that they could try just to feel a connection to their body. And if they're inspired, hopefully they do a little bit more. But when really low action is the best thing that we can do, taking physical action. These exercises are that, exactly the action that sort of propels the energy to a space of higher thinking. So when we're low, not only do we feel low, but our thinking becomes contracted and when our thinking is contracted, we can't get out of that space. It's so difficult to get out of that space. And that's what we want to encourage. We encourage people stepping out of a thought pattern, stepping out a way of being and thinking that's what there is because there is always another way here. There is always a better way when, what you are doing and what you are thinking or how you're reacting or responding to life doesn't work for you. [CRISTINA] Now, have you had the experience where someone might try that and actually feel worse, or have awareness of thoughts that are really painful or really difficult to experience? [HEMA] Not necessarily with the exercises because it takes up most of your energy. So the important thing has normally sort of done alongside music. So you're playing quite uplifting, quite energizing music, and you're concentrating on your breath and you're doing a little bit of the exercise or doing the, which is just hand postures. So it takes up quite a lot of space so you don't necessarily have time to think, which is really positive. And that's really what we're trying to achieve to stop them from thinking the repetitive thoughts that are dragging them down, dragging down their thoughts, or theirs feelings, or dragging down their actions or choices. So that's really one of the powerful things about it. But as you do that more and more, of course, at some point things will come up. I definitely had a lot of people just literally spontaneously burst into teen and they don't often know why. I would say, it's so powerful. For me I feel like I'm really doing a good job when I make people cry. Not because I'm wanting to see them upset, but it's so cathartic. It releases so much. When you cry, you're letting of stuff that you've probably been holding onto that have been suppressing your emotions and suppressing those older feelings that probably really need to be cleared out. Anything we hold onto becomes toxic. So if they end up crying as a result of doing something like this, I'm delighted and they feel lighter, they feel better as a result of it. And the beauty of it is, and this is why I really love it for something like people struggling with eating disorders or really not in a great space is that it takes away the need for analysis. Being psychologists, you know, we know that that's something that, of course, can help and support people in the journey. But sometimes when you are in a space, that's not what you need. You don't need to analyze it. Sometimes you can't analyze it because anything that is really deep often begins at an unconscious level. So how do you analyze something you're not consciously aware of? I always say, these exercises definitely help because that's where the most help is needed to not have to analyze, but yet to bring about an energetic shift, which allows for an emotional shift, which then allows for physical shift [CRISTINA] And we are energetic things, just as you're talking about and emotions, they can be very uncomfortable, like you said. So to have that shift, I think a lot of times people have so much negative energy inside of them, so much self-hatred. And you were just talking about how the heart is love. I don't know if people are sometimes afraid to connect with that or don't experience that enough. So how can people connect more with that? Is there other ways other than through yoga? How do you help people connect through to their heart more or to have more self-love or even have more positive energy flowing through them? [HEMA] Yes, there's so many, so many other ways and definitely meditation is one of them. I'll explain a little bit about sort of meditation in the sense that, you know for me, it's really about connecting the left brain to the right one. When we use a combination of imagination and what we already know and you bring it together, you know meditation doesn't have to be silent. It can definitely be very, very powerfully vivid and using your imagination. It can be a very active experience. It's not just about silencing the thoughts and going into yourself and being quiet. It can actually be something you do. So focusing on how you want to feel and using your imagination to create that sensation of feeling, what you're feeling, which will absolutely drop you into your heart. When we use our imagination, it connects us with our heart. When we slow down the left brain, the conscious brain, the brain, and we tap into the imaginative part of our brain, the feminine side of our brain, we step into our hearts. When we step into our hearts, we can experience a huge number of different emotions that are much more uplifting. So that's of the things that we can do. In the way that we use our imagination for negativity, so we use our imagination to say, I can't have that. I can't do that. I'm not good enough of that. I'm not quite how I should be. I'm not doing, look how I should. I'm not the size I should be. I'm not the color of hair or whatever it might be, all the things that people go through. When you start using your imagination to say, what if being like this was really what the world needed and it's what brought me the happiness, what got me the job, what got me that beautiful, loving relationship, whatever it is that we think, how we feel and look holding us back from what if we use them? So it's learning these tools and being really committed to going through the process. We can learn to use our minds in our favor, as opposed to against us and any negative thought pattern that we're onto is us using our own thoughts against ourselves. So turning it and using it positively. But I would also say we, for example, those people are really struggling with something, they feel they have no control over, it's really about expanding our awareness. So yes, that's one thing you don't have control over. So for example, I'm not very tall and I'm not likely to be tall in this lifetime. So that's a given, that's okay, that's how it is. I can wear high heels or whatever, but if I accept that, okay, that's the thing, I know that I can't change, that's one aspect of me I can't control, that's one thing that I can't change when we really are willing to go, okay, how can I expand? Well, is it because I want to be able to reach things? Is it because I want people to see me? What is the reason behind it? And when I'm able to really tap into it, there's always a solution and that's what I mean by expanding our awareness and our consciousness. Because when I really start to think, well, if it's just about getting that attention and feeling like I'm good enough to be in the world because I matter, because I am a certain height or whatever it might be, then when I really, really connect with my heart and feel that sense, that vibration going out into the world, then I can guarantee you it doesn't matter about how physically high or tall I am. What matters is that I will have an aura about me and an energy that just attracts people to whatever it is that I really want. And it's really expanding our awareness to recognize that we are perfect as we are and how do we tune into and ask the right questions to understand what the real problem is? Because whatever we think our problem is, if we can't change it, chances are, it's not our problem. So it's about the quality of questions we need to ask, being able to ask my question more, then what is the actual problem? Then we're able to get to the actual answer. And if it's because I live in a world with lots of very tall people and I think, well, then that's lovely because if I wanted to stand out while I do, because if lots of people are really around me, then I stand out because I'm not that tall. And that's great. So how am I going to use that to my advantage? That's what it's really about. It's asking the right question because unhappiness doesn't come from those external things. Unhappiness comes from our story around it, our narrative about it. And we can change that. We can change our narrative and we can change our story. [CRISTINA] I love that so much because I do find that people do get stuck in that faulty, belief system, that faulty narrative of, as you said, I can't be happy unless something about me externally changes, something about me externally is different. So often I hear this almost every single time that somebody is seeking a shift in their body and how they look externally. And if they ever do get there where they wanted to be, they are shocked. They say, doc, I'm not happy. How come my life didn't shift? How come everything I imagined that was going to happen didn't happen? It's not enough. I'm still not happy. And then they say, well, maybe if I do more, maybe if I change a little bit more, then I'll be happy. And it's never enough because you're right, it's not about that at all. They were chasing some carrot that they're never going to catch. Just to your point, it's really about, well, what if you get there? What are you really wanting? And just exactly, you want to feel good enough. They want to feel happy. They want people to notice them. [HEMA] Absolutely. Because as human beings, that's what we thrive. We thrive connection. So it's not so much about the ego just wanting to be noticed. I think it's we're looking for a connection and often I say any of sort of unhappiness is really a disconnect from ourselves, from who we really are and covered up with lots and lots of conditioning from the world we live in, the society, the culture, the people around us and this idea that this is what perfection looks like, or this is what happiness looks like or this is what success looks like. But it's not true. because we're all individual and it's individual for all of us. So if we can find that connection to ourselves again, I think we can find what real happiness looks like. And I think we have to do a deep, because the answers aren't outside of us, the answers are within us because the narrative doesn't change just because we physically change something. If really the unhappiness is coming from some deep inside, if it's something, we'll find another reason. So we might get the hair color we want and suddenly think that that should do the trick. I always want it to be a red. So there you go, I'm happy now. Well, I'm not because the narrative hasn't changed, because it's still there. We're still carrying the not enough. So really the real question is what is not enough? I would say it's love. What's missing is a feeling of love because somewhere something has happened that has led most people to feel like somehow you have to do something or that there has to be something more in order to have love, to be loved or to experience love in way. And it's just simply not true. We are love. Our essence is love. And the way to really know that as a knowingness, not just, I can say to somebody and they can go, okay, I hear you. It doesn't mean we believe it. How do we change that belief system? And I say that we change it by really, really allowing our hearts to really engage within knowing, because our hearts know, our hearts are always guiding us towards knowing that we are loved, that we are beautiful exactly as we are and that we are enough. But we can't experience that until we raise our consciousness enough, our energy enough, to be able to connect to that heart space. And we connect to that heart space by having the courage to let go of everything that is covering that heart space where the truth exists, where the truth of who we really are, and the nature of us being pure love. So we don't need to seek it. [CRISTINA] I know that's the majority of the work you do. I'm just remembering so many people that I work with saying, oh gosh, doc, I'm awful at meditating. I can't do it. I can't. I don't know how to do it. I'm just not going to do it. I don't know if you ever hear that from people, but for anyone listening saying, yes, no, I'm not good at it, what would you say to them? [HEMA] I'd say that it's because you've misunderstood meditation. Meditation can be doing the dishes. Meditation can be a walking nature. Meditation can be striking your cat. Because what is meditation? Meditation is switching off a lot of the constant chatter and just coming back to feeling. When we switch off the constant, the negativity that we connect with, the negativity we think, or the negativity we feel comes from a constant dialogue with ourselves that we're not enough. If we can just switch that off, we don't have to be silent, we just have to connect with feelings, feelings that empower and enrich our lives, as opposed to the thoughts that create the feelings that make us feel that. So we are living to, we are so attached to our thoughts and so attached to the external world and that takes over. So I would say if you think you can't meditate, how much do you want to feel good about yourself? If you really, really want to feel good about yourself and who you are in this world and want to connect with that inner feeling of love and that inner feeling of beauty and that inner feeling of joy, then take time to see, you know what you are doing can be meditative. So let's say if you are cleaning the window, see it as an opportunity to just listen for your thoughts and try not to actively have any thoughts, but just listen and just tune in to a feeling and choose a feeling or a vibration and let that be your meditation going out for a walk in nature. We can all do that. We can all go to a park or somewhere, a nature garden, somewhere where you can just be, just recognize what's hurting you, your own thoughts and be willing to just listen to what those thoughts are. I'm going to listen and ask myself the question, where do they come from because they're not mine. So that's one way of dealing with meditation. The other is music. Music can be meditation. Listen to some beautiful music, obviously be mindful of not listening to lyrics that might trigger you in a negative way. So usually more instrumental music is probably better or uplifting music. That's meditation too. That can be very meditative if it's switching off your constant thought and giving you an opportunity to just tune into another vibration. Then that's going to be really, really helpful. It's again, meditation and I know lots of people can enjoy dancing, even if they don't necessarily enjoy meditating. So find what you love. Anything you love is meditation. If you love something, put your attention into that. If you are grateful for something, put your attention on that and keep bringing that up in your consciousness, because the more you connect to what you love, the more you are going to vibrate and build a level of love that goes out into the world. And it really, really works. This is not just theory. This is something that has been around four centuries and it's always we're constantly disconnected from so many things that connect us back to ourselves. We've got to make more of an effort to come, go back to those things that help connect us. When we're young, we can just sing and dance and all the things that we do as children. We grow up and we stop doing it so much. Certainly as adults, we stop, and that creates a much bigger disconnect. So come back to what you love, whatever it might be. [CRISTINA] So well said, yes, watch children. They're so in tune with themselves and they just, yes, you're right. Watch them. They're so fun to watch. They're just dancing around and they're just doing what they want and they're so, they they're happy. [HEMA] Exactly. And they're oblivious, you know what does this look like or am I wearing the right color top? They don't care and they don't care about, and when you really, really look happy, you really do see what matters and what doesn't, because they don't care about anything. As long as their needs are being taken care of by either someone there to love and protect them. And I guess not everyone has that, especially when they are growing up, but we can learn from children, we can learn to be childlike, not being childish, but being childlike in our abandon and our ability to find and look for and search out for what really fills our joy and keep on connecting with that, the narrative that is hurting us. [CRISTINA] Right. And I've often said to people I work with, would you say all the things you say to yourself in your head to a five year old? How do you think they would react or how would they feel? Because that's what you're doing to yourself. So how could you possibly feel positive or good about yourself when you're saying all these nasty, horrible things all day long to yourself? Awful. [HEMA] Absolutely. Absolutely. So maybe one of the other tools is to really write to that young part of you and invite and if I have to release [inaudible 00:41:20] if you have memories of being that toddler who had such abandon, and if you don't then maybe create one of that part of yourself and really connect with the possibilities. Because we are energetic, Christina, as you said, and we can shift our reality. We just have to be willing to do it and to believe that we can do it. [CRISTINA] Absolutely. Well, Hema, it has been amazing to have you on the show. So much wonderful information. How can people find you? How can they find out all this great information you shared and maybe even look up the videos about yoga and connect with you? [HEMA] That would be lovely. So I have a website, hemavyas.com. If they just connect via that, then they can just send me an email and I can direct them to my YouTube channel, Hema Vyas, where they can see some of the exercises. But I also have a community which is free to join. It's called Heart Renaissance. There's lots of talks and meditation, guided ones, so they don't have to sit in silence. I have lots of different sort of resources for them to into. So if they would like to go my website, they can find the community and be a part of that. [CRISTINA] Fantastic. And anyone didn't get that down, do not worry. I will have that all in the show notes. So there will be links to all of that as well. So thank you so much. I really enjoyed speaking with you. [HEMA] Thank you, Christina. I did too. [CRISTINA] All right. Thank you again. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.