Can hearing someone’s recovery story inspire you on your journey? How do open conversations reduce shame around eating disorders? What was someone’s experience with intuitive eating after recovering from an eating disorder? In this podcast episode, Dr. Cristina Castagnini speaks about Embracing Eating Disorder Awareness with Eric Pothen.

MEET ERIC POTHEN

Eric struggled with an eating disorder for several years. Today, he uses his past struggles with eating as his strength to raise awareness and become an advocate for those who are and have struggled with disordered eating and their body image.

Eric is the owner and founder of an apparel company, "Embrace Wear," whose mission is to help others learn to embrace themselves and find beauty and self-worth within. 10% of the proceeds will go to local eating disorder clinics in MN.

Check out the Embrace Wear Online Store, and connect with them on Instagram and TikTok. Connect with Eric on Facebook and Instagram.

IN THIS PODCAST

  • Eric’s story
  • Give compliments to the person
  • Start small

Eric’s story

After finishing school, Eric joined his local gym. After a while, he began to receive compliments for how good he looked.  As the compliments continued, he became addicted to the external validation and ended up exercising for hours on end and eating very little.
My body always sensed that I was hungry, but I would always downplay the internal cues that my body was giving me. I would ignore them, I would suppress them. I would go day in and day out in such a haze … feeling very disassociated from my body. (Eric Pothen)
Eric became obsessive in thinking about food but would never allow himself to eat. As time passed, he became progressively more underweight until he was nearing anorexia, but he never considered or classified his experience as an eating disorder. A day came where Eric said to himself, “I am taking my life back”. He found ways to incorporate foods back into his eating habits, and even though his recovery was not linear, he got to a place where he could rebuild his relationship with food positively.

Give compliments to the person

Regear how you compliment people – give compliments to the person who they are, not only to the body that they exist in. A simple change of complimenting people by saying, “you have a lovely smile”, or “you are a generous person”, or “thank you for being a great friend” are all ways you can let people around you know you appreciate them, and not only their looks.

Start small

Once you are in treatment and on the way to recovery, start small:
  •  Honor your hunger cues
  •  Practice intuitive eating methods to rebuild your relationship with food
  •  Thank yourself for eating a nourishing meal
  •  Sit with uncomfortable emotions without pushing them away
  •  Practice listening to your body
Sometimes [what your body wants] might be pizza, and that’s a triggering food for someone with body image, disordered eating or eating disorders and to eat that food and to truly enjoy the process of eating it and reflect on your experience after eating food like that is such a beautiful process. (Eric Pothen)

BOOKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

  BOOK | Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole – Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works

USEFUL LINKS

MEET DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI

I am a licensed Psychologist and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist. While I may have over 20 years of clinical experience, what I also have is the experience of having been a patient who had an eating disorder as well. One thing that I never had during all of my treatment was someone who could look me in the eye and honestly say to me "hey, I've been there. I understand". Going through treatment for an eating disorder is one of the hardest and scariest things to do. I remember being asked to do things that scared me. Things I now know ultimately helped me to get better. But, at the time, I had serious doubts and fears about it. If even one of my providers had been able to tell me "I know it's scary, but I had to go through that part too. Here's what will probably happen...." then perhaps I would not have gone in and out of treatment so many times. My own experience ultimately led me to specialize in treating eating disorders. I wanted to be the therapist I never had; the one who "got it". I will be giving you my perspective and information as an expert and clinician who has been treating patients for over 2 decades. But don't just take my word for it...keep listening to hear the truly informative insights and knowledge guest experts have to share. I am so happy you are here!

THANKS FOR LISTENING

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to comment below and share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of Behind The Bite on Apple Podcasts (previously) iTunes and subscribe!

Podcast Transcription

[DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Behind The Bite podcast is part of a network of podcasts that are good for the world. Check out podcasts like the Full of Shift podcast, After the First Marriage podcast and Eating Recovery Academy over at practiceofthepractice.com/network. Welcome to Behind The Bite podcast. This podcast is about the real life struggles women face with food, body image and weight. We're here to help you inspire and create better healthier lives. Welcome. Well, hello everyone. So if any of you've listened to my podcast before you may know that I love it when I have guests on here who can help break the stereotypes and myths out there about eating disorders. I will do just about anything I can to help dispel them and get the right information out there about eating disorders and really mental health in general, because the wrong information can do so much damage. For instance, when the myth continues to exist out there that only Caucasian middle class teenage girls have eating disorders, then others who don't fit into that category may not come in seeking help because the thought won't even cross their mind that they could even possibly have one. We need to hear from more real people who have, or who've had eating disorders, people who you wouldn't expect to have one based on these erroneous myth. It's so powerful when someone is willing to share their story so that others out there like all of you listening can know you're not alone and know that regardless of anyone's age, gender, socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or really anything that you can have an eating disorder. Yes, you can have an eating disorder and if you do, you are really worthy of getting help for it. Our show today will hopefully help you to further break the myth out there about who does and who does not have an eating disorder. Because we have with us today, someone who is going to share their story, and they're going to talk to us about what they're doing now to help others receive treatment. Eric Pothen is currently a middle school choir. He struggled with an eating disorder for several years. Today he uses his previous struggles of having an eating disorder as his strength to raise awareness and become an advocate for those who are, and have struggled with eating disorders, disordered eating and body image. He's the owner and founder of an apparel company, Embrace Wear, whose mission is to help others learn to embrace themselves and find beauty and self-worth within. This is wonderful of 10% of the proceeds will go to local eating disorder clinics in his nearby area. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Well, Eric, welcome to the show. [ERIC POTHEN] Thank you so much for having me. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] I'm really excited because I love having guests on who want to share their story. That's part of the reason I did the podcast and another reason I'm excited is because I love breaking the stigma out there and I love breaking the myth out there about eating disorders. And one of the big myths is that only females have eating disorders. So obviously you're male and have had one. So would you mind sharing a little bit about your story and your history? [ERIC] Yes, totally. So my eating disorder really started right after I graduated from college. I had gotten home from school and I got a membership to a gym that was right down the road from my house. I've been into fitness my entire life and I thought that it would be a really good way just to kind of find a routine and just everyday living post college. So I would go in the mornings before work and it felt really great, but I started to lose weight, actually. A lot of that weight probably was from drinking but compliments kept coming to me of like, "Eric, you look good, you look great." So it came to the point where a lot of those comments from other people just became intoxicating to the point where it made me want to exercise more, made me want to lose more weight because I was getting that outward approval from other people. With that, so as my exercising increased, I started to restrict the amount of food that I took in. It became that to the point where I was working out hours on ends and eating barely anything in my day to day routine. My body always sensed that I was hungry, but I would always downplay the internal cues that my body was given me. I would ignore them. I would suppress them. I would go day in and day out in such a haze being in such a fog feeling very disassociated from my body. I remember getting to the end of the day and thinking, what did I just do? Like, that's how detached from my body that I felt that I was. So I remember just being so obsessive and thinking about food, but I would never allow myself to eat. I remember there were just so many times that I would be just in my room crying because I was so hungry, but I would never allow myself to eat because that would mean weight gain and that was the one thing that I didn't want to happen while I was in the depths of having my eating disorder. My weight became so low that my family and friends started to reach out to me then with their concerns, just saying like, "Are you okay? It seems like you've lost a lot of weight." I always played it off as, "I've just been exercising a lot and I'm not eating enough to keep up with the amount of exercise that I'd been doing." It's so interesting looking back, when I was in the depths of having my eating disorder, never did the term eating disorder or anorexia or anorexic ever become a part of my vocabulary. I was just so blind to even think that I had an eating disorder while I was in the depths of it. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] What did you think was going on at the time? [ERIC] It's so interesting because I just felt like I just, I knew I wasn't eating a lot and that I was underweight, but I never classified. I never internalized, my name is Eric and I have an eating disorder. I'm anorexic. Those words were never a part of my vocabulary. [ERIC] It was to the point where I was becoming defiant in a way of what they were saying to me and it made me want to go further into the depths of my eating disorder. It made me want to continue to restrict in a way. It was a way for me to feel like I was in control of the situation and in looking back, I mean, that was my eating disorder in a nutshell. Like I needed to have that sense of control at every single point in time. I needed to have control over when I was going to work out, what I was going to eat, and it became such an unhealthy obsession. And it's just so amazing to look back and realize how much control I need to be in control played such a large part of me and my eating disorder and having an eating disorder. So one day it was to the point where I was just so tired of not only being tired, very irritable, hungry, hearing concerns from families and friends that I told myself. I remember this, it was a, I used to work for summer camp and it was one day as I was walking into work where I told myself, "Eric, today is the day you take your life back." That hit really hard. I had never had that sort of internal messaging to myself in months and years. I had my eating disorder for, when I was in the depths of it for probably a little over a year and a half. In that year and a half, I had never said one kind thing to myself. So the fact that I somehow got myself to the point where I was telling myself this message of you're going to take your life back and you're going to move forward was really profound and that really stuck out to me. Then thereafter, I started to gradually add food back into my diet but my recovery was nothing, my recovery was not linear at all. It became to the point where I would be spitting and chewing as a way to allow myself to enjoy a lot of the restricted foods and still make me feel like I was "eating." The spitting and chewing then turned into binge eating where I would eat very little throughout the entire day for breakfast and lunch and then I would just devour a huge dinner. I also started to turn to alcohol in a way to get myself in a different state, to reduce some of the shame that I associated whenever I ate. So it was just a cycle because it would turn from spitting and chewing to binge eating, back to spitting and chewing, back to binge eating. It just became such an unhealthy cycle and somehow I was able to kind of level it a little bit. Then right when I started to feel good just about like my food intake and how much food I was actually consuming throughout the day, there comes back the obsessive thoughts about what it was that I was choosing to consume and to put into my body. So like a big trigger of mine was, does this have enough protein minutes? Is this low in fat? Is this low in carbs? So literally all it felt like I was eating was chicken and low fat Greek yogurts. Like that's what it felt like my diet was, and veggies, that's it, no carbs still. So, while I felt like I was getting healthier, the obsession with food was still there and as time moved on, I was like, I have to figure this out somehow. How do I get to a normal, how do I create a normal relationship with food? With fast, a lot of it was adding carbs back in. I remember a phrase that stood out for me a lot in this recovery process was food is fuel of, I need the food to nourish my body and my mind, so I can show up in the world for others and just grow and to be human and to just be in my body and not feel so dissociated and all of that. So that phrase just kind of brought me to this place where you need to eat in order to function. I was finally able to level that out once again and I finally had felt like I was in a place where I was allowing myself to kind of break outside of that bubble and to allow myself to eat some of those more restricted foods, like carbs and sugar and fat. I just remember salmon being a very safe food for me, which is so interesting because if you think about salmon, that's quite high in fat, but it's equally high in protein. So I had my safe foods throughout the process that just like made me feel grounded, I would say, in the process. So that's kind of like where I was at with my eating disorder when I was kind of in the depths of it and moving out of it [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] So interesting, like I think people do think there is this distinct, okay, if you have anorexia, you're only doing one behavior and if you have binging disorder, you're only binging. If you have bulimia, you're binging and purging. But I found even for myself when I was in it people asking, and I said, I think I had them all at different points. There were times definitely where I was much like, even in the beginning doing certain behaviors that I think clinically, like my psychologist, I would look back and diagnose myself with definitely in those moments, I had all the diagnostic criteria for anorexia. Then other times I definitely would've diagnosed myself with binge cheating disorder and other times bulimia. It is definitely not this linear pattern. I think it's the nature of the eating disorder. It's like, you kind of try to trick yourself because your body can't handle really restriction and not having enough fuel to exist for very long. So I think you were kind of playing with yourself a little bit, like your body was going, please feed me, but then the eating disorder mind, much like you described like, oh my gosh, you can't handle the guilt. What am I doing? I've got to try to control all of this. And I can imagine people listening to you right now going, yes, I get that. Totally relate. I don't know if along the way you've talked to other people who have had eating disorders and they've kind of described the same thing. [ERIC] Yes, I've talked to a couple of people and as I've really started to reflect on my journey of having an eating disorder and just kind of like my road to recovery, a road of being in recovery, I've started to do some advocacy work in this area. And the biggest step for me in this entire process of trying to raise awareness and become an advocate is learning to own my past and my experience of having an eating disorder. And in the beginning stages, it was full of shame and it was full of, I just, I felt so badly for myself that I'd had an eating disorder and I didn't want to tell anybody like at the end of it and being on the other side of it, that I truly had an eating disorder. I was anorexic. There was the shift where it turned from being shameful to almost a sense of pride and just allowing my experience to just be there and allowing and accepting that that was a part of my past. And that I choose to move forward from here, but I'm not going to shed that part of me because me and the depths of my eating disorder that still lies within. So I need to learn how to take that person from when I was in the depths of my eating disorder and to mold it into the person that I want to be today. So as I shifted that relationship with having an eating disorder, I finally chose to share my story with those on social media. That was a big step and just kind of opening the door to that world. And going back to your question here, I had handful of people reach out to me and say, it feels so good to know that I'm not alone in this journey and what you did by sharing your story made me feel less alone. So as people reached out they just felt themselves reflected and seen and heard and that was what was most important to them; and that people share their experience with their eating disorder. It's been such a humbling experience to kind of be in this position of being a safe space for those to talk about their struggles with their eating disorder or body image or disordered eating. So, yes, it's just been very profound of what the ripple effects have been after I kind of opened that door and started to raise awareness around eating disorders and body image. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Now, your path and your journey, did it also include you going into treatment and receiving that? [ERIC] No, not at all. So, like I said, I refused to believe the fact that I had an eating disorder and so, no, I did not receive any sort of treatment. I didn't go to therapy at any point in time during my recovery process. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] So I think a lot of people listening are going, would probably be very shocked to hear that and going, "What, did you do that? What on earth?" Because I know for most people, even for myself, I think that's a, I tell people all the time this is an illness and it's very hard to live with and really, you can't do this on your own because I think, especially for people who've been doing it for, you know having an eating disorder for years and years, it's so hard because it really consumes your entire life. So people listening are going, "How on earth did you do that?" [ERIC] You know what my response is to every time people ask that, I say, that's a great question. Because I don't even know, like looking back, it was so bumpy and I don't know how I was able to get from point A to point B. A lot of it was trial and error and it was extremely messy and was scary and it was nothing but inconsistent throughout that entire process that by the grace of God, I was able to get to a much healthier space and that's the space that I'm in today. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] So as I'm even thinking about this, so do you think part of your healing process was opening up and not having all this secrecy around all your behaviors and all of what you were going through? [ERIC] Most definitely. I think it moved me. Like I said, it moved me from a place of feeling shameful to really owning that and being proud of who I am as a person and not letting the past of having an eating disorder define who I am today and really using a lot of what I learned through having an eating disorder and just using that as my message today to help others feel less alone in the process. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Because I think you've brought up some key things, as I always say, you're only sick as your secrets and there is so much shame and so much guilt and so much embarrassment. That's the one thing I think that holds people back, even when they come see me in therapy; they don't divulge what's really going on or what they're really doing or what they're really thinking or feeling, because they're so afraid of being judged or they don't really want anyone to know. That does keep people sick. So I'm wondering if that really was just the thing that really helped you, too, is set you free of it. [ERIC] It did. I think it really did. I think one of the biggest things that I'm realizing now is that there's such a stigma around eating disorders today in today's society. If you think about diet culture and what we're being inundated with on a daily basis and what society is telling us that we need to look like, there's such a stigma of being afraid to talk about our body image and our struggles with body and our eating habits and whatnot. People are afraid to have those conversations. And I think by opening the door and being vulnerable about my own story, it's my hope that me sharing my story will allow others to be more vulnerable and to feel a little less shame and guilt if they are struggling with those things. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] But you're a real person. You're a real person, you're not some celebrity, you're not some influencer. You're just this real person who came out and started talking and people can relate to you. I think that's the powerful thing about it. So now you're taking what you've been through, and you talked to me about this. I want you to have a minute here to talk about how you're changing all of this and fueling it into something fantastic and wonderful. You're starting this business. Can you talk a little bit more about that too? [ERIC] So as I've stepped into this space of advocacy and raising awareness around body image and eating disorders. I've been putting stuff out there on my social media page of just trying to promote a positive sense of self and a positive sense of body image and how we perceive ourselves. I've been thinking about how do I take this messaging, but expand it to a larger population. I took a trip to New York back towards the end of October and right as I landed in New York, I just had this like light bulb moment of start a company, start a business, Eric. I had no clue what it was going to look like, but I had the slightest hint of this business, looking something along the lines of like selling apparel that aligns with my messaging and that aligns with the work that I do. So right when I got home from this trip, I journaled for about five minutes, just a stream of consciousness of what is at the center of all this work that I do. The word that stuck out to me the most was embrace, that at the end of the day, we need to be able to embrace and love ourselves from within and when we can do that, that's really when we have a strong sense of self. That's really when we can go out into the world and be grounded in who we are and to be confident and how we can show up better for others and for ourself. And once that word came to mind, I just immediately got started with writing a mission statement. I'd like to share that if that's okay with you. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Oh, absolutely. Please. [ERIC] So here at Embrace Wear, we believe that the love we have for ourselves originates and comes from within, that our bodies don't define who we are. We do. We also reject the notion that beauty comes in one size. You're perfect just the way you are. Embrace Wear believes in recreating what it means to be beautiful and that all starts with embracing ourselves from within, embracing other for who they are, not what they look like. At the end of the day we are all human beings that deserve the love and support from ourselves, that deserve to know how to embrace and celebrate ourselves each and every day. 10% of all proceeds will go to local eating disorder clinics and programs here in Minnesota, to support people on their own journey with their bodies, by helping them embrace and rediscover the love they have for themselves that comes from within. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Amazing. [ERIC] So that's really been so grounding for me to have that mission statement. And not only is that the mission statement for my company, but that's the mission statement for the work that I do in the work that I put out there now with regards to being an advocate and raising awareness around this, is that I hope that I can help other people to learn to love and embrace themselves and that that inward love that they create for themselves can radiate outwardly and that will allow them to show up into this world more grounded and proud of who they are as a person. Because really it's true when they say love is skin deep. That love originates from within. It doesn't originate from compliments from other people but if we truly can love ourselves, that is the best gift that we can give to ourselves. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] That is so true because even as you are first sharing your story, I hear so often just what you said, you got that rush when your body was changing a little bit, just from something you shifted and you got these compliments and it felt amazing. Isn't that so sad because why aren't you getting compliments and feeling amazing about other things? That is what fueled something in you and you're like, "Wow, this feels great." And it just set you on this path. I wonder if there was a focus on other things and people gave you compliments for, wow, that's so generous of you or you're so kind, or other things that you would've had such a different experience. Or maybe you would've like gone into, I don't know, advocacy work for something else sooner or whatever you would've been like, oh, I'll be happy if I continue doing X, Y, or Z that gave you more fulfillment or was so not about your appearance or felt like, oh, I can only be happy or accepted if I look a certain way. Let me go do all this to alter how I look. [ERIC] Exactly. I feel like that's really re-shifted the way that I talk to people because one of the first things that you do, if you haven't seen someone for a long time is you say, oh, you look great. But you don't know their story. You don't know what's going on on the inside. You could be fueling some really unhealthy behaviors in that other person with that comment. I fell victim to that, and that was the start of my whole eating disorder. So just like you said, I focus now on saying attributes about that person. I love your smile. That was a really nice thing you did right there. Thank you for doing that. So really shifting it to about who they are as a person versus their outward appearance means a lot more to the other person. It's more personal. You're highlighting these innate qualities that these human beings have, that those are the things that really define who they ar, those innate qualities, not their outward physical appearance. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Exactly. And I think it's so sad because looking at somebody you don't know, just like you said, you don't know what they're doing to look like that. Their body genetically may not be supposed to look like that. So they may be doing all these behaviors that's absolutely killing their body. So they're thinking, oh, everyone's saying I look great. I guess I better keep this up. And their body is not getting fed enough. It's not getting enough fuel, it's malnourished and their body's anything but great or, but healthy and they're anything but happy, but now they feel stuck, like, okay, yes, I guess I'm in a trap now. And that's horrible. That's absolutely horrible. [ERIC] It is. It kind of brings me back to this, I don't remember the exact percentage that I remember reading, but it was a pretty high percentage of people that look like they don't have an eating disorder actually have an eating disorder. So we never know, like you said, what's going on on the inside just by looking at someone on the outside. So I think that's something really important to keep in mind, is that we don't know everyone's story [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] And just like atypical anorexia, lots of bodies look different on the outside and you do not know what somebody is doing when they're home by themselves. So with that, you can't look at anybody and know which eating disorder they have. You don't know what they're doing, their health status, anything, what their struggle is. So, yes, looks are very deceiving, just for what we're talking about. So there's so much emphasis on that. It just puts so much pressure. [ERIC] Yes, and I feel like we could probably talk a whole episode about diet culture and just how toxic that is for us as human beings. But I really think all of this messaging that we're receiving is really pushing people into some pretty unhealthy behaviors with food and exercise. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Exactly. I love that you're promoting more about like what you're doing now, just advocacy. That is what's giving you this fuel and energy and giving you like purpose in life versus before, it was like going to the gym and restricting your food and making sure you ate X, Y, and Z and not this other stuff. Like, that was your whole life. That consumed everything versus like now it's like, what are you doing? Who are you as a person? And people are coming to you and they're being drawn to you for you and all of what you have going on as a person and that's fantastic. [ERIC] Thanks. I feel like I've been trying to do as much educating of myself as I can in this area too. So for example, something that I've been doing a lot of reading on right now is Intuitive Eating. I've been reading the book by Tribole and Resch, I think that's how you pronounce their last names here. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Yes, so Intuitive Eating. I actually had Evelyn Tribole on my show. [ERIC] That's so awesome. So I've been doing a lot of reading on that and in reading about intuitive eating, it made me realize that even though I'm in a much healthier space with food, just how much of an unhealthy relationship with food I still have, which was so eye-opening to me. So I'm still reading through this book right now, but this has been such a transformative experience for me, even in my road to recovery. Like I truly feel like I will always be in recovery. I don't think that I will necessarily ever be fully healed from my eating disorder and all of the trauma that it caused me. So because I feel like those thoughts will lie dormant and that they will still lie within and that they will get triggered from time to time. So I'm doing my best to learn how to grow and how to move forward, but also allow those thoughts to be there if they still arise. But intuitive eating has just been such a game changer for me, even in my road to recovery here with changing the narrative I have around food. And the biggest thing is honoring my hunger cues. Oh my gosh, just like how much I've had to retrain my body to recognize, oh, you're hungry, that means eat not, oh, you're hungry, don't eat. So that has been such a huge learning process for me of honoring that and then eating. And the biggest thing is sitting with the discomfort of, oh my gosh, I just ate. My body told me I was hungry. That's like, that is so scary in this process of learning to become more in tune with my eating and my biological cues within. It's scary at times. It's a lot of work and it goes back and forth. You know, I'm at the part of the book right now where it talks about the different voices and how the nurturer needs to be so present as you're on this journey to be coming an intuitive eater and to learn how to be gentle with yourself as you're in this process of learning to turn more within and to listen to the body and to listen to what it wants and to honor what it wants. And sometimes that might be pizza. That's a really triggering food for those that have trouble with body image or disordered eating or eating disorders. And to eat that food and to truly enjoy the process of eating it and reflecting on your experience after eating a food like that is just such a beautiful process that you can just do to become more aware and to really create a healthier relationship with food. So reading more about it, I've just been wanting to just put so much information about it out into the world, because I'm like, this is seriously life changing stuff. Like if you have had an unhealthy relationship with food in the past, this is where it's at right now. Intuitive eating, learning to just listen within and to honor the process of it has been so eye-opening and such a beautiful experience for me in my own journey right now. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] I'm internally smiling because I shared on my podcast, which was so hard as a psychologist to divulge all my stuff, but pizza was first food when I went into treatment that I had to challenge myself with, I hadn't had it for years and I talked about it. I think it was one of the first podcast. I had my experience of what that was like, that it is very hard when you have these foods that you've restricted and you have very interesting thoughts about them and why you have them and realizing they're so disordered and wrong. And now I love pizza. I have it like twice a week with my kids. It's like so funny to be like, wow, this used to be so hard and now I don't even think about it, which is fantastic. But a couple things you said, I think, I love that you're discussing your journey, still that you're on. I think for people who follow you on Instagram or your social media, to be able to hear it in real time it's still relatable. But I also, one of my other messages is breaking that myth of you can't ever get over this and fully not have the eating disorder or the thoughts because I really just want in part to you and everyone else who's listening, which I do like every podcast, which yes, of course you can. You can live this life without it. Even as you're reading the book, it's helpful, but maybe even finding an intuitive eating therapist that can help you through this even better as you're doing, instead of just going through it yourself, because it's really powerful to really work on this and get into it eating and into get into, not just, you know I talk about like, what's the difference between being in recovery versus recovered? There is a difference. And I think you're in recovery, which is fantastic, because like I said, you're in real time and people are drawn to you and relating but you absolutely can be recovered. [ERIC] Hearing you say that, I believe it. I truly do. I think learning about this intuitive eating process, this is the, like I have, what am I trying to say here? This is the least I've thought about food in years. It is so freeing. It is so freeing to be able to open up the freezer and I'm like, oh, a spoon full of ice cream sounds good right now. So I'm going to flip and eat a spoon full of ice cream and I'm going to enjoy it. It has really been such a game changer for me in this road to recovery and I think, I know I can get there. I know I can. It's a long journey and like I said earlier, I know it's not linear. So I just need to feel like when I'm having these kind of more intense moments with food and I find myself lingering back to unhealthy habits. It's just remembering, and this is like you got to practice what you preach here. I talk a lot about you are resilient, you are strong. I need to also internalize that. I can't just be saying it then when I ever get into those moments, I resort to old, bad habits, but no, I need to learn how to challenge those bad habits and those thoughts in the moment and recognize that strength and resiliency that I also have within. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Absolutely. I mean, you've come so far and absolutely you can live a life free from this. So, like I said, I just want to put that in your mind and have everyone else hear that too. I'm sitting here and I started the podcast just to instill that hope in people and have them know that and sit here saying myself. I also had several guests on here also discussing that same exact thing. So yes, I think that needs to be talked about too. There's so much misinformation out there. So absolutely just like you're doing, you're getting messages out there that people need to hear. [ERIC] And just like you said too, I just feel so honored to be in this space, not only as someone who is recovering from an eating disorder, but also being a male. And like you said, at the beginning, like there are men out there that also struggle with eating disorders. This is not just something that's associated with women and to be a voice for other males who are also in this space is such a humbling experience. I'm so honored to do it. I also identify as gay and so to not only be a voice in the male community, but also within the gay community. Like eating disorders and body image is so prevalent. Of the men that have eating disorders, 42% are gay. In reading that statistic made my stomach drop and it made me realize like how I am pressured as a gay man to also fall into that what diet culture is telling us of, you need to have that chiseled six pack, you need to be muscular. You need to outwardly look just so put together and so attractive in all of that. That messaging really takes away from my own personal development and growth, this field that I'm in now and of moving forward, bettering myself, learning how to shift the narrative in my mind when I'm having really intense, tough times, not only with my mental health, but with food.. So it's just my hope that me choosing to step into this space of being a male and also being a part of the LGBTQ community is that I also help these populations feel more heard, more seen and less alone. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Well, Erin, thank you so much. You are doing such fantastic work. Your business is starting. I think that's fantastic too. I'm sure people after hearing this are going to want to follow you, find you hear more about your journey. So how can they find you? [ERIC] So Embrace Wear, I will be selling all of my apparel on Etsy. So on Etsy you can search, Embrace Wear Co., and you should be able to find my shop. I'm starting out by selling a couple of t-shirts in a long sleeve tea. I also have some stickers that you can put on water bottles or your laptop or on your car if you're feeling up to it. And one thing that I'm really excited about in the packaging, when you receive your clothing, you'll be getting a half sheet of paper that says "I Embrace" with a line underneath it. If you're feeling called to share our product on social media, that you complete that sentence with something, an innate quality that you have, I embrace my warm hearts, I embrace my empathetic self, and holding up that sign with the product and really just trying to create a community around it. So that's something that I'm just so excited to see the input come from all of you all and whatnot. So that will be in the package and we launch Friday, which is super exciting. So ready for this next adventure. Ready, continue, ready to continue doing this work in the advocacy world with eating disorders and raising more awareness around body image and eating disorders. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Fantastic. And not to forget some of the proceeds do go, can you mention exactly where it's going so people knew? [ERIC] Yes, exactly. So proceeds will go to Melrose Eating Disorder Clinics here in Minnesota. The nice thing about that is they allow you to choose where you allocate their donations to go to. So I would really love to switch up where those donations go to each month within the program. So for example portions can go directly to patients who need help paying for treatment, or they could go to help pay for housing, to pay for other program needs. So I think that's really beautiful about this organization, is that we can choose where that money goes to. And it's all going to the same cause at the end of the day, which is just so beautiful and really helping those really recreate that love that they have for themselves. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] Perfect. Thank you again. It's been fantastic and I'm sure people are going to be following you. So best of luck with the business and look forward to seeing how far this goes with people sharing on all their social media. Thank you. [ERIC] Thank you so much for having me. [DR. CRISTINA CASTAGNINI] This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.